Famous Jim Gaffigan Quotes

  • I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don’t need sleep. I think they’re called ‘successful. – Jim Gaffigan

    I love sleep. I need sleep. We all do, of course. There are those people that don’t need sleep. I think they’re called ‘successful.– Jim Gaffigan

  • I resent when I go out to dinner and they try to sell me the healthy food for the same price as the good food. – Jim Gaffigan

    I resent when I go out to dinner and they try to sell me the healthy food for the same price as the good food.– Jim Gaffigan

  • How did we get to the point where we’re paying for bottled water? I imagine it was some weird marketing meeting over in France. – Jim Gaffigan

    How did we get to the point where we’re paying for bottled water? I imagine it was some weird marketing meeting over in France.– Jim Gaffigan

  • There are people who eat only organic food, and then there are people who don’t have tons of money to waste. – Jim Gaffigan

    There are people who eat only organic food, and then there are people who don’t have tons of money to waste.– Jim Gaffigan

  • In America we have gone way beyond sustenance. Eating is an activity. ‘Why don’t we get lunch, and then we’ll grab some pizza. – Jim Gaffigan

    In America we have gone way beyond sustenance. Eating is an activity. ‘Why don’t we get lunch, and then we’ll grab some pizza.– Jim Gaffigan

  • When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard. – Jim Gaffigan

    When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.– Jim Gaffigan

  • The only thing weaker than a toddler’s handshake is their immune system. – Jim Gaffigan

    The only thing weaker than a toddler’s handshake is their immune system.– Jim Gaffigan