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I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.
– Dave Matthes

Related Quotes:

  1. I never had a childhood. Not like the rest of them anyway. I had a starting point from which I have never stopped running. – Dave Matthes
  2. Embrace all emotions: sadness, happiness, sorrow, hate, love, prejudice, fear; they are weapons against our greatest enemy: indifference. – Dave Matthes
  3. …ya can’t get to Nevada on five bucks and a bad heart… – Dave Matthes
  4. …people who don’t live at least a little bit in fear, have nothing left to live for. – Dave Matthes
  5. Being smart takes patience. Being wise takes pain. Being apathetic takes practice. Being in love takes everything…away. – Dave Matthes
  6. …you’re either gonna spend your life ????ing ????y, or taking it to church. – Dave Matthes
  7. Being crazy, for the rest of us, is a form of sanity. – Dave Matthes
  8. Let me ask you this: How many days do you have left, if any, in the life you promised for yourself yesterday? – Dave Matthes
  9. Don’t sell the warmer for an air conditioner just because its summer, for in winter, you will have to do the reverse. – Ikechukwu Izuakor
  10. I shower in the dark, barely able to tell soap from conditioner, and tell myself that I will emerge new and strong, that the water will heal me. – Veronica Roth
  11. You Only Live Once (YOLO) – Drake
  12. Dad looked more sheepish than I had ever seen him look in his life. It made him appear younger.-œA scent. Your mother’s shampoo. – JA Ironside
  13. He can smell his cologne, his shampoo, and something else — he can smell the boy’s own scent, something bittersweet. – Lidia Roldn
  14. A good Christian needs Jesus. A great Christian needs Jesus. A christian sinner needs Jesus. Pope needs Jesus. – Alin Sav
  15. How many would protest if restaurants began serving puppy and kitten flesh instead of calves? Robins instead of hens? Squirrels instead of pigs? – Mango Wodzak
  16. In order to get to heaven, Jesus said that you must be converted. I didn’t say it-”Jesus said it! – Billy Graham
  17. Above all others I pity the homeless: where can they go to masturbate? – Robert Clark
  18. Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate. – Mokokoma Mokhonoana
  19. To masturbate is to imagine: physically. – Mokokoma Mokhonoana
  20. There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place – Carroll Bryant
  21. Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night? – Kresley Cole
  22. We spend more time asking what would Jesus do instead of what did Jesus do. – Tullian Tchividjian
  23. When the focus becomes -˜What would Jesus do?’ instead of -˜What has Jesus done?’ the [conservative/liberal] labels no longer matter. – Michael S Horton
  24. This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. –Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical – Dave Barry
  25. Bolts of energy swirled in the air and streamed into Dave’s ????. Dave sneezed … No. He farted through his nose. – Fred Barnett
  26. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Help me. Please, help me. If you really exist, you skinny jew bastard, help me kill myself. – Hubert Selby Jr
  27. Seeing Jesus prolongs your life. Seeing Jesus keeps you healthy. Seeing Jesus makes you strong. – Paul Silway
  28. Jesus doesn’t adjust to us, and He doesn’t submit to our whims. We adjust to Jesus and submit to Him. Jesus is King, not an accessory. – Justin Buzzard
  29. Discover Whether Jesus Is For You Or Your Pastor’s Jesus Or Your Friend’s Jesus… You Will See A Lot Of Miracles. – Cyc Jouzy
  30. Someone tells me I’ve been touched by Jesus, I remember.--œNot Jesus,- he said in all seriousness. -œThe hand of God. – Gretchen McNeil
  31. First! Does this need to be said? Second! Does this need to be said by me? And third! Does this need to be said by me right now? – Tahereh Mafi
  32. Morning, Bill,’ said Lord Tidmouth agreeably.’Go to hell!’ said Bill.’Right-ho,’ said his lordship. – PG Wodehouse
  33. Stop following the con artists, instead become the greatest and brightest artist ever to exist and let others follow your light instead – Yolanda De Iuliis
  34. It’s just that instead of erupting and annihilating our tormentors, we destroy ourselves instead. – Laura Wiess
  35. Marriage is not a reform school . . .Instead of you reforming [your spouse], [he or she] will instead influence you. – Billy Graham
  36. Many churches have their eyes on the culture instead of on Christ. Many pastors preach on common unity instead of calling the community to repent. – Billy Graham
  37. Personal value is the kind of value we receive from being active instead of passive, creative instead of consumptive. – Clay Shirky
  38. If we fought wars with laughter instead of bullets, you would die laughing instead of just dying. – Anthony T Hincks
  39. If we fought wars with laughter instead of bullets, you would die laughing instead of just dying. – Anthony T Hincks
  40. Choose to love. Every time you choose to love instead of withdrawing in hurt you build a bridge instead of building a wall. – Jessiqua Wittman

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